Headbanging Fairytale
Submitted by Adanedhel on Tue, 02/26/2008 - 10:33.
This is the situation: There is a beautiful princess trapped in a castleguarded by a dragon. Here is the end of the story with different kind of metalheads as knights.
POWER METAL
The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and makes love to her in an enchanted forest.
THRASH METAL
The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princess and fucks her.
HEAVY METAL
The protagonist arrives on a harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few beers and fucks the princess.
FOLK METAL
The protagonist arrives with some friends playing acordions, violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls asleep (because of all the dancing). Then all leave........ without the princess.
VIKING METAL
The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty axe, skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals her belongings and burns the castle before leaving.
DEATH METAL
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, fucks the princess and kills her, then leaves.
BLACK METAL
The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it in front of the castle. Then he sodomizes the princess, drinks her blood in a ritual before killing her. Then he impales the princess next to the dragon.
GORE METAL
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in front of the castle, fucks the princess and kills her. Then he fucks the dead body again, slashes her belly and eats her guts. Then he fucks the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and fucks it for the last time.
DOOM METAL
The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks he could never beat him, then he gets depressed and commits suicide. The dragon eats his body and the princess as dessert. That's the end of the sad story.
PROGRESSIVE METAL
The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes. The dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and tunes he learned in the last year of the conservatory. The princess escapes looking for the 'HEAVY METAL' protagonist.
GLAM METAL
The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and lets him enter. He steals the princess' make up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink colour.
NU METAL
The protagonist arrives in a run down Honda Civic and attempts to fight the dragon but he burns to death when his moronic baggy clothes catch fire.
Other genres? Suggestions?
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hah
I like that gwar metal one Lou..
Stoner Metal
Patagonist arrives, moans about how every stoner metal fan is stereotyped a pothead, lights his 19th joint of the day, whiteys, and falls asleep. After an 'amazing' experience of puking and 'halucinating' he kills the dragon and eats it in order to cure his munchies. Upon meeting the Princess he embraces her with a hearty hug, however he sets her hair on fire with the petruding spliff hanging from his mouth.
God bless stoner metal.
Tom
Hardcore Metal
Protagonist Arrives, Kills the draggon with an allmighty spin kick, he then diggs the dragon a grave by useing his amazing 2steping powers, The Princess takes one look at his faggy new eara flat peek cap and his sisters skinny jeans and decides to stay put in the castle if thats whats happend to metal since shes been gone!
Love Metal
The protagonist arrives gets in an argument with said dragon, dragon frustrated by metaphor and allusion flies away, protagonist then falls in love with said princess, they make love, 10 minutes later protagonist get in another argument with princess, writes a song called buried alive by love and moves out.
guitar hero III metal player:
The 13 year old protagonist arrives and calls the dragon a n00b, then brags about all the expert dragons he's killed. the dragon eats him because killing dragons on one's game console is nowhere near the realm of killing real dragons. the princess says pwned!! then masturbates.
RUSTY METAL: The protagonist
RUSTY METAL: The protagonist rushes in eager to save the day but in his haste accidentally steps on a rusty nail and is forced to rush to the hospital to get a tetanus shot before he even gets a chance to help.
Symphonic Metal
Our protagonist arrives in a rather epic fashion, in fact, you can literally hear Carl Orff's arrangement of "O Fortuna" in the background. The Protagonist and the dragon fight in slow motion until they both somehow end up killing each other. Our princess weeps over the now fallen protagonist.
--------------
"I'm your turbo lover
Tell me there's no other
I'm your turbo lover
Better run for cover"
industrial
The protagonist doesn't arrive. He is too tired because of a hard day at the factory...
Math Metal
The protagonist arrives, hypnotizes the dragon, who allows him to walk into the castle and save the princess. Then he kills her. End.
Guar Metal
You have to add Guar Metal: The protagonist arrives, enslaves the dragon, flings his poo all over the princess and then ritually sacrifices her much to the delight of his henchmen.
Power Metal
Tells the Dragon to Build an army, builds his own army. they wage the glorious war in a sacred field in which the humans win and s the dragon lies bleeding. then they sing a song called when the dragon lies bleeding. by hammerfall
btw that sucks but i cant think of anting better except that power metal rocks.
Yes, Power Metal
Yes, Power Metal rocks!
--------------
"I'm your turbo lover
Tell me there's no other
I'm your turbo lover
Better run for cover"
Goth Metal
Goth Metal
The protagonist arrives and confuses the dragon by singing to him in a really deep voice. Dragon spins out of control and dies. Then goes to the princess, where they sing duets together for the rest of their lives.
--------------
"I'm your turbo lover
Tell me there's no other
I'm your turbo lover
Better run for cover"
lol
that was funny as shit. especially the Glam Metal and the fact that Folk Metal just leaves after putting the dragon to sleep.
good job this made me laugh the hardest today.
hmmm possibly rap metal?
hmmm possibly rap metal?
New Metal
Protagonist arrives, whines to Dragon about how horrible life is before said dragon fries his ass and puts the rest of us out of his misery. Princess wishes for real Metal to come along.
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